Well, still struggling to sleep as if this is something new. But this time buzz, noises, tings come to my head like someone is commanding me to date myself and get to know me. Questions like,
“What are the things that I like to do?”
“or things that get me mad, upset, creative.”
'Cause when I know these things it will be easier for a guy to pursue me therefore if I know what I like, then he knows what to give. If I know what I don't like, then I can tell them straight up. “I know, I know myself yet does it make sense?” says me while battling with myself.
Having a better understanding of myself will be better for the relationship that I’m going to have in the future. “Exactly! It’ll gonna make so many things much clearer!”
As a girl I have so many credentials for a "perfect guy" or maybe it's just me. Somebody told me that I am so fixated on this idea of a perfect guy in my head so he asked me "are you the perfect girl?" Like, “STOP. WAIT...A…MINUTE.” After a minute of absorbing the question that I hope doesn’t have any other implication, a bulb was lit above my head. Maybe I should stop finding the perfect guy and start being the perfect girl and that hit me hard.
Hold up! Disclaimer! We'll never be perfect and that's the reality.
Anyway, going back it's not bad to have standards. If I aim for perfection, I'll get closer and closer but I’ll never get to that point. So yeah, this completely shifted my perspective. I woke myself up, pat and pat, pinching myself to realize that I am expecting so much from this "perfect guy". But, I have to focus more on expecting that much of the future ME or working on those standards for myself as a person first.
Before anything else, like looking for that guy, the most important thing is to know if I’m ready. “Am I ready to commit?” because it doesn't matter what a guy is like if I’m NOT ready to honor that blessing that God has given me.
If I’m not ready to treat the guy right, if I’m not ready to be the girl that I’m supposed to be for this guy, there's no point even if he’s here already. I should be fully confident and secure in myself that I know who I am.
What's beautiful is working on myself eventually with "that guy" is bettering THAT relationship I'll have. “Even without the guy FOR NOW?” “Yes, even he’s not still around right now.”
Lastly, pray for THAT GUY. Even he doesn't have a name right now. Even you don't know how he looks. Even I don't know him yet. *plays Oceans and Engines by NIKI*
♫ I guess this is where we say goodbye
I know I'll be alright
Someday I'll be fine
But just not tonight
Now, Let’s go back to sleep.
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